Coming out of the Shadows

I’ve decided that its time to come out of the shadows. There’s no especially easy way to tell people that you love that you’ve been keeping something from them, so I hope that you are able to understand that I’ve had to process some of this without you. I’m a lesbian.

I’ve known this for about six years, and I’ve been slowly coming out to a few friends starting from when I was 18. I’ve gone on a fairly big journey, from being sure that this meant that I was going to be celibate and single forever, to now being less sure what is right/wrong and what the path God is calling me down is. I have never (honestly) stopped thinking that God loves me through all this. That’s one of the few truths that I’m sure of.

I know that the people reading this have different opinions about morality and the bible, and will have different opinions about this journey I’m on. I hope that we can agree to be respectful and loving towards each other and show each other grace in our journies.

I don’t have any answers about how my faith and my sexuality fit together, so why am I doing this now? Firstly, I’m tired of the constant energy it takes to assess every sentence, and censor every conversation to make sure that I’m not saying anything that will ‘give me away’. I don’t want to have to do that any more. I’ve also realised that when I’m honest about this with people, I become closer to God. I value my relationship with God more than my secrets.

I’m also doing this because vulnerability is important. When those of us who follow Jesus are too afraid to be honest about our stories, then the kingdom of God is diminished. Given the controversy about sexuality is in the church, it has never been more important for gay people within the church to be honest about the fact that we are HERE. From the few people in the church I’ve already talked to, I can see that when people become aware that there are gay people in the church that they love, and whose faith they respect, things becomes less black and white, and people are treated with the grace they deserves. If I can be a part of making this happen then I will be very blessed.

For all our sakes, I am grateful that, “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name? Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same? Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name. Let me turn and follow you and never be the same. In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

Aldermaston Big Blockade

Most of you, and certainly those of you who live in Scotland will at least be vaguely aware of Trident. In Faslane, a few hours from Glasgow (the biggest city in Scotland) is Britain's main (only?) nucleur weapons base. Nuclear weapons are horrific, and immoral for so many reason, but if you want to read up a bit about why its important that we protest against the presence of weapons that could wipe out a continent then have a look at CND Scotlands lovely website.

I love the Peace movement, as its one of those places where Quakers, feminists, hippies, Mennonites and elderly church of Scotland ministers get together with MPs and trade unionists to fight a common battle.

Basically, Trident is not the only place concerned with nuclear weapons in the UK, and given that Scotland has an increasingly large anti-nuclear movement, with the most powerful MSP in the country (Alec Salmond) being oppossed, CND (Campaign for Nuclear disarmament) are focusing some of their campaigning on England, Aldermaston to be specific.

Aldmermaston is a nuclear weapons factory near Reading in the South of England, and to quote the briefing paper for the big blockade:

The facilities are being built
to test design and construct a
new generation of nuclear
warheads. The project is
going ahead in advance of any
parliamentary decision. In July
2008, documents obtained by
CND confirmed that the government
has already decided
to build new nuclear warheads.

A blockade is being planned for the Aldermaston Factory, which basically is an attempt to 'get in the way' for a day. It takes protest to a new level, showing that when something is going on that we consider to be wrong, and illegal, it is a DUTY to get in the way and stop it happening.

Involvement can range
from their simple but visible
presence at the gates, to trying
to communicate with
workers, to directly impeding
access to the illegal and immoral
work at Aldermaston
(by blockading the gates for
as long as possible and risking
arrest).

Training is available the day before the march, the protest is entirely non-violent, and non-arrestable roles are availabe if you are uncomfortable with that or can't because of your work.

Details of the Blockade

Date: Monday 27th October
Contact: 0845 4588 361

There will be be groups going down from all over the place, including Edinburgh, so if you want to get involved then try to find your nearest CND/Trident Ploughshares/Justice and Peace group and so on, and see if you can find people to go down with. These things are much less scary in a group. Your nearest Quaker community would also be a good bet.

This is such an important protest, I wish I could go but I can't make it, for a booking form and more information and flyers, then email blockawe@yahoo.co.uk

Prossy Kakooza

Prossy is a 26 year old women seeking asylum in the UK, after having to flee her home country (Uganda) due to a series of serious assaults, including sexual assaults, due to her being a lesbian. Her initial asylum claim was refused as the home office did not consider her risk to be serious enough for her to stay, despite the fact that she can be imprisoned for her sexuality in Uganda, and her further serious risk of violent attack.

Prossy will be renewing her claim before the Asylum Tribunal very soon, so its very important that we show support to her at the moment. There is a facebook group here
and an i-petition here. To hear more about her story go here

My prayers go out to Prossy, it would be disgusting for the government to send her, and the others like her who have claimed asylum on grounds of sexuality in the last few years (and often been refused), home.

Paula in Bolivia

As some of you know and some of you don't, my twinny Paula is going to Bolivia for nine months to speak Spanish and work with street children. If you're interested in keeping up to date with what she's doing then her blog is Bolivian Blogging

The Comfort Women - take action

During the Second World War the Japanese forced thousands of women from Korea, the Phillipines and other countries into sexual slavery. These women were repeatedly raped and subject to enormous amounts of human rights abuses. Many of these women are still suffering from this trauma, but increasingly many are bravely coming forward and telling their stories in the fight for justice.

Japan has still not apologised for these horrific atrocities. Like I've said in earlier posts, apologising can seem almost meaningless, but actually I believe apologising is the first step towards real change, justice, and healing. No one person was responsible for this, those who abducted the women, those who raped them, those who authorised it, and those who simply did nothing, all have a share of the blame. This, like so many others, is the crime of a nation (probably nations) as well as individuals.

I believe that an apology from Japan, followed by real compensation for the women still living, and an acknowledgment that the attitudes to women that led to these abuses still exist and need to change are essential. (I think what I just said could be described as repentence, acknowledging the sin but going further than that and creating real change).

Several nations have called for Japan to officially apologise, including the USA, the Netherlands, Canada and the European Parliment. Amnesty International are currently calling for the Phillipines to join these nations in requesting repentance. particularly significant given how many Fillipino women were comfort women. You can take action to support this campaign here

p.s. I love this post you should read it!

Recovering from ideas of God

When I was 15 I was convinced that God wanted me to leave school after I'd done my Standard Grades (like GCSEs in England) and start doing youth work (never mind that I was still a teenager myself!). This was basically my worst nightmare. I really liked school, was very good academically, and far too timid to work with troubled young people! I obsessed over it for ages, desperatly wanting not to do this, but feeling this immense pressure to leave what I liked and do something I hated for God. I finally changed my mind about doing this when an amazing woman came up to me randomly in a youth group meeting and told me that God had good plans for me, not plans to hurt me (see Jeremiah). I'm very grateful to her for being willing to faithfully tell me this when she had no reason to believe that its what I needed to hear.

This story, and a couple of others that I don't want to tell over the internet (privacy is a wonderful thing!) are representative of the idea of God that I'm still trying to fight, and I don't think I'm alone in this. Years of reading true christians stories about how people laid down all their ambitions to do something they never would have considered themselves have left a part of me still believing that what God wants for me is do the things that i want to do least. So although I don't like talking to strangers, I think God wants me to become some crazy street evangelist, and although I'm not very good at working with teenagers, that must be what God wants me to do because I would find it hard.

And I suppose this isn't entirely a lie, because the christian way is narrow, the gospel is full of challenges and (contrary to most 'megachurch' thought), no one ever said that walking in Jesus' way was easy. But through all those challenging things the bible says (love your enemies, give up your property so you can follow God, free the oppressed, bring about justice, live holy and pure lives), there is an infusion of love and grace and joy.

So right now I'm trying to teach myself that even though I've chosen a difficult life journey, that God wants GOOD things for me, not things that will hurt me.

We're back!!

Reclaim the Night Edinburgh is back, click on the link to stay updated on the planning process, get involved and add your comments and thoughts.